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By Robert Waldinger
As a Buddhist teacher, psychiatrist, and leading researcher, Dr. Robert Waldinger studies life from three very different perspectives. But he says they all come to the same basic conclusion about what really makes our lives happy and meaningful, and what doesn’t.
Melvin McLeod: Your newest book is called The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. So before we get to the question we all want the answer to—what actually makes us happy?—tell us about the famed study of human happiness you direct that your conclusions are based on.
Robert Waldinger: What’s unique about the Harvard Study of Adult Development is that we have studied the same people for their entire adult lives. The study began in 1938, so this is its 85th year. We started with a group of teenagers from Harvard College and a group of teenagers from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. Both groups, a very privileged group and a very disadvantaged group, were followed for their whole lives. We then included spouses, and now we’re studying their children, who are baby boomers, so the study has gender balance.
So watching and talking to people over the course of their whole lives, what did you learn about what makes life happy and meaningful?
Two big findings stand out. One is something our grandparents would have told us, which is that if you take care of your health, you are happier, healthier, and you live longer. That’s not a surprise, but it’s important to know there’s hard science behind this, that taking care of our bodies—not drinking too much, getting exercise, all of those things—really matters to leading a happy life.
When people in our study were committed to things in the world beyond themselves, they were so much happier.
The second finding was more of a surprise to us. We found that the people who were healthiest, happiest, and lived longest were people who had warm, closer connections with other people. So better relationships actually get inside your body and impact your health.
Of course, much of our popular culture—music, movies, television shows—is devoted to that very idea, that good relationships, particularly romantic relationships, are the key to happiness. But your study showed they also lead to better health.
Yes, that’s the surprise. We also find it’s not just romantic partners. In fact, you don’t need to have a romantic partner to get these benefits. Our study showed that it’s really the experience of being connected to somebody, or even just a couple of people, with whom you feel warm, close connections. Many of us don’t have intimate partners, but it turns out that’s not essential to the benefits we’re talking about.
What do these findings tell us about how we should lead our lives or order our priorities?